Anxiety

I can be so introvert, it's even hard to eat in front of people who I know little, or not at all, I can not figure out if it's shyness or just "careless to act", I would like to understand who I am and what I should do, it seems that every day things get worse, inside of me, cloud of anger and resentment, is stopping me in moving forward.
I don't know what to do, what to think, who to talk to, about this.
Sometimes I feel a sense of anger and sadness at the same time, I feel as lost and abandoned. I feel alone and ignored, then I feel bad because I pretend to feel good. I isolate myself, I have my music, my books, my movies. But then those thoughts and anxieties return.
At the night... nightmares.
I just want to be alone and hate me for what I am. Or what I'm not.
I can lie to the world, trying to be happy, trying to be expansive, but I know that I can't lie to myself.