Non voglio rinunciare

Quando guardo i tuoi occhi, è come vedere il cielo di notte,
o una bellissima alba.

Non voglio rinunciare a noi.

Ti sto dando tutto il mio amore,
che sto continuando a cercare.

Non ci siamo spezzati, non ci siamo scottati,
abbiamo dovuto imparare a piegarci senza che il mondo cedesse,
anche se i cieli si fanno difficili.

Beat

What am I doing now, what am I thinking, I just don't know yet, I never knew maybe.
The only thing that I know is that I'm steadily trying to open my mind
I'm trying to think positive, in every moment, every situation that arises in front of me.

When I see that something inside me is moving on, when I feel anger comes up, I just close my eyes, take a deep breath and I Think, I say to myself, inside me, that everything it's ok, that it does't worth it, That I just have to think positive, because negative thoughts never bring good thinks, so...

Recently I'm trying a new way for calm down myself, because I know that something is wrong with me, so I must have to control myself in some situations, 'cause always I feel very sick and sad and depressed when I calm down and realize that there was nothing to worry about, so the way is that when there is something that scared me or when I feel a wall in front of me, a big wall that I can't climb, I try to do exactly the opposite of what I normally know that I would have done.

In other words I run against my own fears and anxiety, slam my head against these things, without think about it, I just do it when I know that there is the right moment to do it.

Maybe it's too early for decide if this is the solution of all, but since now, I feel that people around me have appreciated this..

I feel  like free, I feel like my monsters are going away from my mind, I feel like I can beat them.

Sun

I literally love when

sun goes down behind clouds like this

Before sleeping..

1 minute left

This morning

I was waiting for the subway in Milan
 I feel so guilty

 I've been thinking about it all day

 I saw him before

 A guy of 19 maybe

 I've done nothing to stop him

 I must did something

 I should have done something

 I've done
 Nothing..

I saw him.

He was there...few metres in front of me.

He took off his shoes

left them on the floor

He was probably drunk, had taken drugs or something.

He went to the final edge
Beyond the yellow line

sat down on the floor, with his leg dangling.

His head facing down
His hands between the legs

1 Minute left

 I will never forget

 never

 I was shaking

Subway arrived

 I was paralyzed

 and scared

I thought that..
I was sure that he would get up, seeing subway coming

but he didn't

For sure subway would have broken his legs..

Subway came

10 seconds

I screamed pointing at him
doing nothing

paralyzed again

in a second, two men screaming, took him from his shoulder, dragged him away from the edge..

Could die
in front of me
for my fault

he didn't move

he lay on the cold floor of the subways station at 8 a.m.

Everyday, don't know why, my mind plays a different old song, in a unexpected moment of my day.
The song that I heard today is a beautiful song, that reminded me of my past, I didn't check out what was the real meaning of the lyrics of that actually..I think that the video is really cute and full of meaning.

My night perfect ritual in bed with the pc on my knees, watching a film, with leche with milk and my Dalai Lama book nearby.. Perfect end of the day..